Looking Up

Sometimes a feeling comes along that I just can't keep in anymore. Something so wondrous that even though I know no one will probably read this, it needs to come out. It's not even a singular feeling, it's more the combination of everything happening right now coming together and creating a feeling that I haven't experienced yet... The past few months have been an uproar of life and I feel like I'm finally living.

For those who don't know the stereotypical makeup of a Gemini, this probably won't make a lot of sense, but in a nutshell we're very dichotomous creatures, witty and guarded, yet still usually happy and versatile. Although I love being me, I love feeling the way that I do, I hate the way I come across to others. I don't even realize what I'm doing, but I somehow confuse people with the way I act... I know for a fact how I feel about someone but my affect and the way I carry myself seems to show the exact opposite. I don't know how to fix this, I don't even really know exactly what I'm doing. I just know this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

I try to pull back and not make myself too available, and the automatic perception is that I don't want anything even remotely serious. That I'm too free-spirited... and unfortunately that's not what I want at all. I want more than anything to experience real, deep, passionate love. I want  to finally be "that girl" that someone can't stop talking about, that girl that they think of every time they see something remotely romantic... I've always wanted this and it seems like my personality is killing it for me. I feel hopeless in this, I don't know how to fix something so deeply rooted in my personality.

Not to mention that for the first time in my life I've become somewhat of a social butterfly. I've been invited to so many events, finally started going out with "the girls", and I feel wanted by everyone except for the one person I want. I guess that's always how it goes, though, the only person you really want to fall for you is the one person you're just not sure about... It almost makes you wonder if maybe the reason you want them so much is because they're the only one who isn't begging for a chance...

Also, I've been working nonstop... I now sell candy for a living. Although I love kids, and I also love candy, at times I'm worried that I am literally going to beat a child with a giant gummy bear. Honestly, just pay attention to your children and don't let them stick their hands in candy bins, how hard can that seriously be? Just say "hey, kiddo, maybe sticking your grubby little hands in the candy isn't the best of ideas", I mean come on....

So we have a five pound gummy bear at work. Yes, five pounds. That's around 6,000 calories and 1,500 grams of carbs. I had a teenage boy ask me "Hey, what would happen if I ate this whole thing in one sitting?" The only thing I had to respond with was "Diabetes". Not the best of salesmanship, but hey at least I'm honest.

I don't really know what possessed me to write this, maybe the hopeless romantic in me is thinking "Hey, maybe he'll decide to read this and figure out he's who I'm talking about..." I think it's more about just getting it out, finally admitting what's going on and putting it into words somehow makes it feel more manageable and less like I'm throwing myself out there with no clue as to what the hell I'm doing... Romance movies do nothing to prepare you for things like this, and frankly neither does anything else. Everything I've been taught, everything I've seen has told me that there should be some dramatic profession of love that makes everything obvious, that makes everything fall into place and just make sense. I realize that's unrealistic, but you can't blame a girl for wishing. All I know is that I want to keep feeling what I am now, not the confusion, but the rest that's just so indescribably good I don't know how to handle it. Maybe I over-think things because I have to convince myself that things can't possibly really be this amazing... There has to be a catch somewhere about to pull everything out from underneath me. Or maybe this is real. Maybe this is the beginning of a beautiful life finally coming to fruition. I guess everything remains to be seen.

I am a horrible blogger.

So, although I try to write in this thing pretty frequently, I somehow always fail. After getting back from Florida on the 12th and preparing for classes which began the following Wednesday, I didn't really carve out time to write. I do, however, have some funny stories and shenanigans that I felt I needed to share. :)

My little sister Olivia is now five, and for the entire week I was in Florida she was attached to my hip. We went for a "family portrait" in the local Sanford mall, and while we were waiting for the pictures to print, I grabbed a few things from a Victoria's Secret sale, one of which was a glittery spray I thought she would like, and the rest was a little more... er... sexy to say the least. She cried to carry the bag, and so here I was, marching with her to the portrait studio while she carried a big Victoria's Secret bag. When we got there, she wanted to show our male photographer her glitter spray, and ended up pulling out my brand new slinky bras. It's hard to say which of us was more embarrassed.

The next day, we were all going to Seaworld, and while we were walking to a restaurant for breakfast, Olivia got a little impatient with the woman in front of us. The very large, intimidating black woman in front of us. She yelled "move it grandma!" and powered right past her, leaving me in the path of her destruction.

Needless to say, she's pretty much my exact copy. She's crazy, ballsy and funny, and I'm so glad I got to spend the week with her and my even younger sister Sofia, who was MUCH more reserved, but still showed me how she could dance to her favorite music: hardcore rap. She basically lays on her belly, sticks her feet up in the air behind her and wiggles.

I love them.

Anyways, sorry it's been so long and I haven't really written anything substantial. Obviously my diet kind of died, and although I'm trying to get it back on track it hasn't really come to anything yet. Nothing gained and nothing lost, which for a woman on the dating scene isn't so great.

Best wishes and thanks for reading!

Think Again!

Ok, so this whole workout thing hasn't been going so great. Of course, with Christmas just passed and New Years quickly on its way, not to mention I'm flying out a week from tomorrow, I've been a little busy. Today, I counted my workout as my work. I pushed a 3,500 lb Pontiac GTO from a garage on to a trailer, then from the trailer into the yard of our new home, then from the yard into a raised shop with the help of some homemade ramps. Between getting it off the trailer and into our new yard, our wench broke, and the entire car came crashing down on me. I'll be fine, but parts of me hurt that I didn't even know existed. As well as being badly bruised and exhausted, I had to continue to help push the car into the shop.

No workout for me for a couple of nights.

I will, however, pick up again next week and let you all know how its going :)

On another note, the semester ended with a 4.0, despite the fact that I went to my Intro to Computers course a total of two times. And I didn't attend the final.

I love college.

New Year's Resolution

So, I know it's a little early to be worried about New Years, but Christmas crowded out my Thanksgiving, so I figured "what the hell?".

I have decided that I am getting into shape, and I have also decided that I will post pictures on a weekly basis until I reach my goal to show if it's working or not. I don't have enough time or money to worry about a gym or equipment, so everything I'm doing will be something that everyone can do. I will be doing this workout every weekday, and taking weekends off. Along with working out, I will be drinking more water, and less soda. Other than that, I'm not changing my diet. I love food too much to cut anything out.

So, week one and here is my physique:

The whitest person to own a dream catcher.

Not so great, but not far too bad. All I really want is definition, not really weight loss. So, stay tuned for another picture next week, and the details of my self-made workout. Also, my workout is personalized and mostly for abs, but everything I'm doing I've learned from anatomy, kinesiology and physiology classes. So, wish me luck!

Much Delayed

I realize I haven't posted anything in quite a while, but I have had my reasons. Unfortunately college has the indisputable ability to completely consume my life. Along with trying to keep up a thriving social life and a 4.0, I've let my blog slip a little.

Also, there has been one more thing.

I'm a little extremely embarrassed about what's been keeping me busy for the past couple of weeks. I've been reading. I know this doesn't seem like something that should be negative, but it's the material that I've been completely engrossed in that may be a little disturbing. Even more so for those who know me.


I read Twilight.

That's right. I powered through the entirety of the series in a little over a week. I would really love to chalk that up to Twilight being insanely simple, stupid or just so easy to interpret that it was a quick read and I hated it. The truth is a little more embarrassing than that. I completely and utterly fell in love with this series, and I just couldn't let myself put it down for any length of time. Granted, I'm no Twi-hard or anything like that, and I am by no means going to start an expedition for "my Edward", but I must say I really loved the series. It was extremely easy to read, a thoroughly written story with a solid plot line and very well-defined characters, and I just simply liked the way it read.

And no, I'm not taking sides.

Although if I had to, I would be team Edward. Just as a hypothetical.

Wait....

Also, this bitch from Twilight has a huge forehead.

Damn.

At any rate, I would actually recommend this for anyone who is lacking a little romance in their lives. For a young adult series, it's actually pretty frisky. But enough of that, back to things that don't make me look like a total idiot.

I've also just gone through a rather long move into a new home. While I was moving, and we were in need of some fast food, I decided to go to Taco Bell for everyone's dinner.

Big mistake.

The first Taco Bell I went to had the stereotypical horrible drive through service aimed at confusing me and giving me something I didn't want. I somehow ordered 10 hard tacos which was nowhere near what I wanted, and after pulling forward about 10 feet I panicked and took off, never to visit that particular restaurant again. Not because of service issues, but what if they recognized my flighty face?


I hope you enjoyed this odd post, and hope to hear from you all :) Until next time!

Late Nights...

Salvador Dali's "Sleep"

Mr. Sandman

Wrap me in your arms, Mister Sandman,

Sweep me away from here.

Lift me, lucid, if you can,

on wings devoid of fear.

Slip your fingers behind my eyes,

let in the stuff of sleep.

Caress my ears with lullabies,

and sweep me off my feet.

Keep me safe throughout the night,

held in your longing touch,

but let me go when life resumes,

for death would be too much.

I was bored and couldn't sleep so I whipped this up... hope you enjoy!

Fright Nights

In my last post, I mentioned my involvement with a haunted house, and my excitement for being a part of what actually terrifies me. Things have been going much, much better than expected.

Initially, I was worried that I would be unable to scare people. Although I am by no means conceited, I do realize that I am a fairly attractive, young, blonde woman, and I was afraid that it would be hard to make me into something terrifying without the use of a mask. I was, thankfully, wrong.

I showed up the day before they were set to open, afraid that these people who had been at this for years would be resistant to someone like me: a nerdy, overly-friendly bubbly twenty-one year old girl who looks like a high school sweetheart. I couldn't have been more wrong. This group is full of people that I've really grown to love, and although they are a little different, they are exactly my brand of odd. They invited me in with open arms, and I can truly see this as something I stick with for many years to come.

The house itself is very impressive, and not at all what I was expecting. Although they terrify me when I am forced to walk through, I always imagined a haunted house in the daylight to be something hokey, childish and cheap. This house, however, is very intricate, well thought out and detailed. They went to extraordinary lengths for something that is strictly for charity and to scare the ever-loving shit out of people.

Without going into too much detail, the house itself is enclosed in a small warehouse, divided by drywall and trap doors into what, now, looks like the somewhat logical organization of a house in that it contains a kitchen, living room, bedroom (my room), bathroom and den. It does, however, have some odd components."The vortex" is a spinning circular room with a metal mesh walkway that makes you feel absolutely drunk while walking through. It's pretty impressive. Also, on the way from the ticket booth to the actual house, you get to ride a bus. A terrifying, horrible bus that I was subjected to last night. Without ruining the surprise for those who wish to visit the house... it contains clowns. For my previous readers, let me remind you that I am absolutely, horribly shaken by clowns. Enough said.

Now into what I have accomplished in the three nights we have been open. The room I am in is very small, so that when people walk in they literally have about two feet between the bed I am laying on and the wall. I am underneath a blacklight with a strobe light flashing in the corner, in a blood covered dress. I didn't realize how much it would freak people out, but I'm a bit of a contortionist, so I make my neck appear almost broken to freak people out when they walk in.The bed is on  hydraulics, so when a group reaches the foot of the bed, I hit a button and it begins to rock. So far, one man has shat himself, MANY have started crying, more than a few have run out as fast as physically possible, and a few interesting things have happened.

1. An older woman walked into the room, and upon realizing I was Reagan from "The Exorcist", covered her eyes and started singing "this little light of mine" as loud as she could while running from the room. It was all I could do to keep from laughing.

2. A young boy (he looked around 11 or 12), walked into the room, saw me on the bed, and said "giggity giggity" before running out.

3. A group of frat boys who were making very vulgar comments about me laying in bed were trying to act tough... until the bed popped up and I screamed, at which point they all screamed like little girls and tried to run into the corner. A couple refused to move as I was on my hands and knees so they would have to walk right by my face. Priceless.

4. At the very least, I have three guys a night say something along the lines of "Dude, no, look she's actually pretty", which for some reason has been an amazing ego boost.

5. More than enough comments on "Oooh a girl who knows how to make the bed rock" or "I wish she was sitting on me while that bed was rocking", etc. Obviously, they need the extra help of a moving bed. It's amazing how easy it is to dehumanize someone because they're wearing makeup or a mask. I know for a fact that these boys would be too terrified to say anything like that to my face outside of that situation.

6. One guy literally pooped himself. The website listed below has statistics on people who pee, poop themselves, "chicken run" out of the house and throw up, but I didn't expect this many to happen with me. After I popped the bed up, one man said "dude, what is that smell?" (it absolutely reeked), and his friend yelled "JUST KEEP WALKING DAMNIT!" Made my night.

You're probably all wondering what I looked like, so here is a picture of me and another girl that works at the haunted house.

In case you can't tell, I'm on the right.

Although I like the way it turned out, this is more what I was going for:

Ugh.

Also, for more information on the haunted house, or for ticket information, click here. Thanks for powering through this post, and more to come!